Things that make you anxious

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I started this prompt (without finishing, for being so overwhelmed) at the end of a long week of worry.

Worry over things beyond my control at work and of being both misunderstood and also unsuccessful in my efforts to help make things better.’

Worry over getting everything done to help a family who is mourning the loss of a sweet grandbaby.

Worry over my own family. Husband, children, grandchild.

And that is just the short list. In the middle of the night I worry over all things undone or not yet done.

I realize my worry keeps me in my head and often when I’m in my head I cannot feel my heart. Worry quashes joy and sorrow and chains one to either the past or the future, preventing being in the now.

This is neither who I am nor whom I want to be.

“Please help me to be Mary and not Martha,” was my prayerful plea.

A friend mentioned how the truth is there are still things that need to be done and Marthas are needed to get done the needful things.

I wondered if “Please help me to be both Mary and Martha,” would be a truer prayer.

Sunday I spent a busy, Martha-like morning getting things done I could not do the day before. My head was worried, but in the busy quiet I made room in my heart for thoughts of the people I love.

As I slipped into my pew and opened began the familiar lines of the opening hymn, tears welled up again. My voice quivered and then was stilled:

How gentle God’s commands!
How kind his precepts are!
Come, cast your burdens on the Lord
And trust his constant care.

Beneath his watchful eye,
His Saints securely dwell;
That hand which bears all nature up
Shall guard his children well.

Why should this anxious load
Press down your weary mind?
Haste to your Heav’nly Father’s throne
And sweet refreshment find.

His goodness stands approved,
Unchanged from day to day;
I’ll drop my burden at his feet
And bear a song away.

[Day 113 of Ann Dee Ellis’ 8-Minute Memoir.]

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