I leave cupboard doors open, lose my keys regularly and my phone often, repeat myself sometimes when I’m trying to explain something or feel passionate about something, but perhaps my most annoying trait is that I like to be right. This is not in a proud or an “I’m better than you” way, it’s simply in an “I’m passionate about my convictions” and a “truth matters” or “words matter” way.
Unfortunately, the expression of my convictions and my desire for truth and understanding are often misconstrued. And painfully, the fact that I recognize this in myself and consciously try to tone it down and let it go is often lost on the people who are the most annoyed by me.
I still recall and inwardly recoil over moments in my youth and my past in which I failed to let something go. But I’m also aware of a number of times I stopped myself and walked away, yet the effort went unnoticed. Perhaps it is easier to notice the presence of an irritant than the absence of it?
True I deserve demerits or detention for every time I needed to have the last word. But I also would hope the scale could be balanced if at least just a little for every time I let someone say “irregardless” without correction, bit my tongue clear through while people praised a leader I’ve witnessed painfully disrespect nearly every minority group I can imagine and, in recent months, display a disassociation from the truth–yet defended those same people from the other side that derides them.
And all those times I’ve carefully worked to discern what is worth speaking up for and what is not.
What do you do?
You keep trying every day.
[Day 97 of Ann Dee Ellis’ 8-Minute Memoir.]