11:04 p.m.

i’m sitting here in my pjs after another long day in another long week in another long month in this crazybusy year.

my eyelids are heavy but i’m fighting to keep them open as it’s the first chance i’ve had to check my e-mail and google reader today.

knock knock.

hmmm. that’s odd. although it’s probably the best time to catch me home, not too many of my friends drop by after 11 p.m.

it’s the grandaughter of our neighbor across the street, cecily. we’ve known her since she’s was little, but she’s all grown up and married now.

“we were out for a walk and somebody hit your cat.”

“which one?” (zack will be devastated over any of them, but my first concern is for mowgli, who has a piece of my heart and a big chunk of last month’s paycheck.)

“the yellow one.”

i sigh. “tigger.”


suze and tigger summer 2009

i send shane out to look because i know i just can’t bear to watch if tigger is suffering. then i remember to ask

“is he dead?”

cecily nods her head sadly.

as i bury the tears of my youngest in my chest cecily explains,

“the same thing happened to my cat when i was 12.”

i stroke my youngest’s back and nod my head.

i am sad at tigger’s brutally abrupt end and guilty that the last time i saw him i tossed him out of the house (they really do land on all fours) three times in a row after he kept sneaking in. i wonder how zack and suze will take the news–it’s too soon. i feel a twinge of guilt over the twinge of relief i feel knowing that’s one less cat to feed, neuter, immunize.

“he had a good life here,” i search for some scrap of comfort to share with k~ “he got to go and do whatever he wanted.”

we go in the house and while i wait for shane to return i ponder over which flower bed will make the best gravesite for this one.

i hear the door open and some scuffling, but there are no words and no shane. i wait and wonder and then look up as shane walks up the stairs with a very lively cat in his arms.

tigger!

i scratch his belly and apologize out loud for not being entirely patient with his antics of the other day, at the same time hefting again the weight of the responsibility we’ve inherited along with these cats.

apparently it was someone else’s yellow cat who met his demise tonight. (may it rest in peace.)

shane sends tigger back outside to work on–i’m not sure, do you count up from 1 or down from 9?–well, the next one.